First blog post! I decided to make one of these little blog things because personally, I am allergic to shutting the hell up. It may sound like I'm being down on myself there, but I can assure you, I've gotten to the point where I feel as though I wouldn't want it any other way. This is going to be obnoxiously long– I would say "Sorry in advance!" but I'm really not sorry. I am insane and you will listen to my insane ramblings. If you don't want to, then close the tab. We are grown-ups here.

To those who vaguely know of what I've been up to– I've (almost) completely survived my first semester away from home! I've found that being in Japan since August has generally helped me come out of my shell a little more. I've made a lot of friends here and tried a lot of new foods that I'd otherwise be too meek to try back home. I never really planned to take such a huge break from coding, but I didn't particularly feel like doing it until recently– I guess I needed that time to settle in and do some fun stuff with my peers? It feels as though coding has gotten easier thanks to that break, and that everything I code comes out as intended with little to no hassle. I actually understand flexboxes now, too. Maybe its because I'm procrastinating my finals right now, but I'm having fun with it at least!

General Nerdy Stuff

I'm yet to make a page for these kinds of things, so I thought I'd talk about them while I'm here. Back in October, I went to my first idol concert– The Idolm@ster SideM 8th Live: All H@nds Together over in Yokohama with a few mates of mine I've met online these past few years. When I say it was phenomenal, I mean it was phenomenal! I had a bit of a hard time getting there and felt like I was dying on the Saturday but everything turned out great! I met up with my friends from the US/UK, met some wonderful producers from both Japan and Korea, did emergency arts and crafts on the side walkway of K-Arena with my friend to make a Sora uchiwa (as his official one had already sold out by the time we got to the tent...), and sat on wet concrete inhaling a bag of Takenoko no Sato and bottle of apple juice after day 1 because I was on the verge of falling over from a lack of energy. Interestingly enough, there was a huge amount of male producers at the venue– admittedly, I do think this is a product of MOIW which took place earlier this year, since a lot of Ps who were only into the branches with female idols got exposed to just how cool the discography and seiyuu behind the characters of SideM truly are. The audience was still predominately female, but the amount of male producers there definitely would outnumber the amount of female producers at a live for Cinderella Girls, Million Live, and maybe even Shiny Colours. The guy who sat next to me on day 2 was a new producer from what I could tell, and he was very surprised to find out that Kobayashi Daiki was both a man, and enjoys crossdressing (just like the character he portrays, Mizushima Saki)!

The concert itself was amazing. On day 2, I had a seat that was exactly the first row behind the arena seats. I saw so many seiyuu up close that day! I made full eye contact with one of them for like ten seconds maximum. I also realised a lot of them are way more handsome in person, and that their voices sound better live. I still think about it regularly. Admittedly I feel myself cringing at my excitement back then, especially since I was visible on the broadcast, but I like to think I was well behaved and followed the concert guidelines... I need to learn to kill the part of me that cringes, because it feels as though those feelings kind of colour my experience there. But regardless, I got to see some of my favourite songs performed! We got a performance of Heart Beat "IDENTITY" (Hayato's second solo), and they had ChibaSho playing his guitar again! I accidentally predicted that happening last year when the solo released, funnily enough. It's making me want to get the Blu-Ray of the concert when it comes out, but it's expensive and I think I'll die of embarrassment if I see myself in the official cut... All in all, though, it was a very wonderful experience and worth every single dollar I spent. Even the trip home felt special to me– truly, I don't think anything compares to the post-concert experience I had where I waited on the side of the road in Kawasaki for my night bus back to Nagoya, eating a bag of apple slices I'd gotten from the conbini, and watching my Twitter feed explode with reaction tweets and fanart from both Kaigai and Japanese fans alike who'd been at the venue or watching from the comfort of their homes. Or waking up when the bus would stop for reststops and I'd hastily check my feed in the middle of the night when nothing felt real. I'd remember making eye contact and get almost flustered. Something about it made me feel a deep, unmovable love for SideM and it's fans that day. I still feel it now. I'm happy that such a heartwarming series like SideM brings people together like that– and that I've been able to make some wonderful friends I never would've otherwise met had I never falled in love with it. I almost cried on the subway train and bus back to my local station a couple times. After this weekend, I then proceeded to get a whopping 95% on my Japanese speech exam– being told I sound very fluent by my teacher. That was a really good week.

The weekend after that, at the start of November, I went to Tokyo for Animate Girls' Festival and to see my first (in-person) butai performance– Hanadoll The Stage- 2 with one of my friends I'd gone to the SideM concert with. God, getting there was a nightmare. I missed my night bus the night before and had to pay out of pocket for the Shinkansen– it's so expensive from Nagoya! But I got there! AGF was so loud and busy that my friend and I both dipped within an hour of meeting up because we're not built for stuff like that (pathetic wet cats who just like funny anime idols). I spent like $90 nzd on TsukiPro merch (2 acrylic stands, the AGF yearly theme lore booklet (it was wizards, I was legally obliged to, okay) and a blind can badge bag where I got Roa's one). I also got a digital photo taken with Kaoru from Hanadoll! Worth the 600 yen, I just wish I was better prepared for it and wore something cuter...

Sunday was the closing performance (Senshuuraku) for HanaST, and my friend and I had front row seats! It was so amazing that I don't even know how to put it into words. During the Higawari (daily special/improv with audience interaction), the girl next to us gave her ear piercings to one of the actors– he was so surprised and kept asking if it was okay! Being at that performance made me understand why my friend loved Mahiro's actor, Kitade Ryusei, so much. He's such a bright young talent! It's really gotten me hyped to see both him and Mishima Ryo (Ryoga's actor) in the upcoming Solids Quell Stage Taikyoku Denki butai. I've gotten so butaipilled it's insane. I need to go rewatch Ningen Library and HanaST1 again..! Maybe I'll egg my friend for Touken Ranbu Myu stuff too...!

This is a tidbit I find hilarious, but I got exposed to Station Idol Latch! while I was in Tokyo that weekend. Specifically, I saw a poster of the Ikebukuro representative and thought he was kinda ugly. I mentioned this to my friend and called it a flop semi-jokingly. On the way home on the Sunday night, I took a photo of the poster in Ikebukuro station with all 30 idols on it, and posted that I thought the representative for Otsuka station was cute. I, and I cannot stress this enough, am now hopelessly hyperfixated on this series and am dual-wielding fixations on this and TsukiPro right now. While I don't think it's peak media or whatever I feel as though it's very sweet and earnest– it makes me smile, and that's all that matters. The idea of a series revolving around train station workers for stations on the Yamanote line, who also happen to be idols in their off-hours and promote the good points of their surrounding areas, is a very nice gimmick! Also Sumiya Tetsuei is in it and I like supporting his projects because his excitement for them is just so infectious.

Seasonal Depression

Aaaand here it is. I really thought I'd be immune to it and that it was just a thing that lined up with winter in the Southern Hemisphere, but it appears that the seasonal depression really is seasonal. I've felt super lethargic lately and completely knocked my sleep schedule out of whack. Part of it may be burnout, too, I've been studying non-stop since July. We didn't really have an "Autumn" this year per-se, so we went from glaring heat to winter temperatures within the span of a week or two. It's kinda been bringing me down, especially since the sun sets so early here! I thought it'd be better because Japan doesn't adjust for daylight saving like New Zealand does... but I was wrong.

At the time of writing, I have one week left of my classes and it's all finals. I can't wait for it to be over, honestly. I have my qualms about how some of my classes have been handled. My Monday lit class this semester has by-far been my favourite, though– my lecturer was awesome. My Tuesday Japanese teacher was, too. She's always so quick to compliment people in class about their style or abilities. I hope I get her, or someone just as nice, again in April. My Thursday film and literature classes, back-to-back with the same professor, were certainly a slog. I cried in the film class this week, actually. We watched the film Departures, and the ending hit hard since I'd lost a family member myself not too long ago. I didn't like my teacher for that class, but we watched some fantastic films– if you ever get the chance, I highly recommend checking out Tokyo Sonata, as well as Departures. Both are incredibly well done, in my humble opinion.

Looking forward, I'm making some vague plans to ticket for Solids Quell Stage in Tokyo Hulic Hall for the end of January... perhaps even Vazzrock Stage in March, also, since Tai-chan (who played Chise in the Hanadoll Stage adaptation I saw in November– his Chise was so precious! I haven't recovered from his GalPi he gave to me and my friend~) will be performing as Shirase Yuma there.

Deep thoughts

As a result of the seasonal depression I've lamented above, I've done a lot of introspection. Being the young adult I am, I'm still discovering exactly what my values are. The world has felt very scary lately– it's scary seeing the things everyday people who aren't much older or younger than me have to go through. It makes my heart ache. I wish life wasn't hard for anybody, but I suppose the "lows" are what makes the "highs" feel as though you're soaring through the atmosphere and into a galaxy an immeasurable distance away. But my heart still aches watching the struggles of my peers, and even people I don't know. I wish things were okay for everyone.

I've done a lot of thinking about how my voice feels powerless, and how sharing my opinions feels like a fruitless thing due to the fact I'm someone who can be easily misunderstood, probably due to my autism. It makes me scared to talk about the things I feel. I've seen the way people get painted a certain way because their opinion and/or the way they express it being unconventional, sloppy or confusing. I also feel like a lack of understanding has come to exist in a lot of spaces– since when was humanity a hivemind? When did we all have the same experiences, and when did we all come to the same conclusions all the time? When did our understanding of each other become so poor that we misconstrue the things we say? It feels like the current world is too cruel. I'm guilty of this myself, too. Thinking about all of this, it makes me think that I want to be kinder– both to myself and those around me.

Closing thoughts

Anyway, this got deeply serious very quickly for someone who prides herself on being deeply unserious. I felt kinda crappy all day today and marinated in my bed while attempting to work on my finals, but all I got done was a bunch of delusional tweets on my private account for yume brainrot and ate cup noodles. Wanting to kiss a jpeg like my life depends on it is going to get me through this, it seems. I gotta get working on that husbando page... After finals this time, though. No more procrastinating...!

The good things that happened today, though, felt really good. There was a mini-pizza party for our outgoing Taiwanese residents (and their group's token American boy) with the off-duty caretakers this evening. I tried a new flavour of drink I got from the conbini (Horoyoi's Strawberry Cream Soda flavour... I believe it's a seasonal one? It was very sweet... maybe I'll dedicate a page to Horoyoi rankings...), picked up my new itabag I got off Amazon for Black Friday while I was there (which I will put together and post pictures of soon for my Oshikatsu page..!), and grabbed a Coolish– God, I'm gonna miss those when I go home. I had a great time with great people tonight, eating good food and having a good laugh. I geeked out about idol merch to a fellow nerd in my dorm. I'm gonna miss my Taiwanese friends a lot. I'm gonna miss everybody who's gone between semesters. But I'm gonna look forward to the new people I'll meet in the coming months. And the peace and quiet, since the majority of people adjacent to me are heading home!

But yes, that's all for now. Perhaps I'll do these on a monthly basis. Or try to, at least. I'm bad at consistency, especially if there's nothing interesting to report. Signing off!~